Chances are, he will never forgive her.
I made honor role every semester. My last B was in 5th grade. I was a National Merit Scholar. I entered college with 57 credits from AP tests. My GRE was almost perfect back when that meant something. I made the Dean’s List more often than I didn’t, while running a company from my dorm room. I had a double major with a minor and almost enough for two more minors.
I was diagnosed in my 30s. I didn’t know before why stupid things were so phenomenally hard for me. Why I could do amazing things but I almost killed myself to just switch focus from one task to another. Why it was so hard to pick up something I set down. Why it would take a farcical number of times of me coming into a room to remember what I wanted to do there. Why I couldn’t handle driving in heavy traffic with people talking at the same time without being exhausted when I arrived from the sheer intellectual effort of it.
The difference a low dose of drugs has made on my life is tremendous. It’s night and day.
For all my success, if my mother had known I as ADHD and had deliberately withheld drugs, I likely would have cut contact with her for years. It would have been very, very hard for me to ever have a good relationship with her again because her selfishness in wanting a certain kind of child would have made huge parts of my life hell for no reason. And I’m incredibly successful by most measures.
Your grandson isn’t successful. He’s struggling. And his mother doing exactly the same as if she were withholding hearing aids from a child who is deaf without them because she doesn’t want the hearing aids “to do the work for him”–but really, she doesn’t want the shame of a kid who NEEDS hearing aids.
It’s the rest of your grandchild’s life at stake here, NOT her ego.
I don’t care what you think about me. I’m a stranger on the internet. I just think it’s only fair to let you know that ALL decisions have consequences. You grandson’s choice of college has already been dramatically limited by the poor choices your daughter has made. Now you have the potential to sabotage the beginning of his adulthood to an even greater extent than she already has.