My two are now in 5th and 7th, and I certainly remember those days. What has helped us now is enrolling them at a school with a project-based curriculum. They have little to no homework and they are engaged all day. They are experiential, kinesthetic learners, and now that they are engaged all day, they come home happier and with more free time. I realize that this is not a possibility for everyone, but I recommend looking for options like this.
Another thing that helped us in the past was creating a 504 to get accommodations in place. The teachers weren’t always willing to bend their rules, but if you can find some staff members to support you — school psych, gifted teachers, SPED staff — then they can come to meetings to back you up. Have a learning styles assessment done. Present all the data you can.
One more thing: when my 5th-grader’s grades started to fall because he couldn’t keep up with his papers, I finally decided to explain to him that 1) the grades were reflecting his study habits and not his actual learning, 2) grades were not so important at this level, and 3) sometimes people expect more of us than we’re ready for. His teachers claimed they were getting kids ready for middle school. Did anyone else read the Psychology Today article saying that middle schoolers aren’t developmentally ready for the level of organization expected of them? My son was 10, and they wanted him to act 14. I’m a teacher, but I recognize that we aren’t teaching kids in the way they learn best and that we often place demands on them far beyond their levels of readiness. Hopefully some of this will help you!