Reply To: Running out of patience..

#60044
BRLK
Participant

I’m pretty sure @gentlyginny we agree on the need for discipline and expectations that are consistent and firm when it come to unacceptable behavior, but I feel like you’re missing the point I’m trying to make and it’s an important one to me, so I’m going to say it again. If your child is suddenly having frequent outbursts, is short tempered and or is acting out in ways that are not normal behavior for them something is going on and until you find that “something” and address it, you’re going to continue to see misbehavior no matter how swift or severe the consequences are for their actions. I’m not talking about a hungry child, a tired child, an over stimulated child etc. If your child is having issues with a peer at school, if they are struggling with a new project/assignment at school, if they are worried and anxious about a change in their routine or their household, etc it will heighten their anxiety, it will put them on edge and it can elicit a response from them that is over the top, unexpected and inappropriate to something as simple as being asked to put away their dishes or finish their homework. The response is not always related to the situation at hand and if your child repeatedly lashes out in a way that is not typical for them and you fail to dig deeper to find the root cause you are doing them a disservice. Certainly at age 9, particularly an immature 9 as children with ADHD often are behind in maturity, they do not have the coping skills to deal with strong complex emotions the same way you or I would. Punishing them for behavior repeatedly without helping them solve the issue and teaching them ways to cope will only result in them becoming more angry, more frustrated and giving their self esteem a huge hit. It’s not excusing behavior or coddling a child when you are helping them problem solve.