Here I am now, at 38 years old and have just finally been diagnosed with ADHD. However, not yet treated.
Everything you described regarding your sons behaviour is everything I remember being screamed at for in my youth.
I was never able to find the words to describe how I felt,so my go to answer was always “I don’t know”.
Realizing many years later, the feeling of being misunderstood is what devastated me.
I sincerely felt my parents didn’t love me because I only brought disappointment.
I could go on and on but, to spare gruesome details i’ll just say….first that you are doing awesome! As a parent now myself of two teenage girls, I can’t imagine the pain and frustration I put my parents through.
….and please don’t take this as though I’m assuming you haven’t tried….
But, any information you read about ADHD emotions, sit and talk with your son as though you totally understand how he feels. seriously, even if you have to fudge it a bit.
Just to feel that someone you love understands you, may make a huge difference. I know for me that once an outburst had started, i had already been bottling emotions and needed to exhaust them. Afterwards, i remember feeling really terrible about my actions or words and just wanted to feel loved.
I truly hope that helps a little bit at least.
Oh! That’s about the age I was when I found that i am pretty artistic and creative…it helped me find moments of peace. Have you found your sons hyperfocus?