I am just like your spouse. And you’re right it takes time. And I whole heartedly applaud you for taking control and trying to do better for you and her. But what have you done to show her that she’s special? Show her how much you love her and you want her. After years of emotional abuse that connection needs to be restablished from ground zero. Buy flowers, do the dishes when she doesn’t ask, plan a special date night (even if it’s you cooking), tell her how much you appreciate that she did the laundry, and takes care of you. Try holding the door, asking to go to the grocery store with her so she doesn’t have to carry the bags, surprise her with something she really wants but won’t buy herself. For me it was seeing how much he appreciated me, the normal things that I do everyday, and when he touched me. When he made the effort to hold hands, he kissed my neck while I was cooking, brushed hair out of my face, asked me to lay/sit next to him while watching tv… that kind of stuff. Also read the 5 languages of love and figure out what hers is and what yours is. The biggest mistake we all make is loving someone how we need to be loved instead of how they need to be loved. And watch the movie Fireproof, best marriage move ever. Good luck, forgive yourself, and don’t give up on her.