Reply To: ADHD, Anxiety and feelings

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#58998
domalskid
Participant

I also am not good with my feelings and also, as well, keep things with my therapist (and others) pretty superficial. Going to therapy, I simply talk about the week. My therapist will ask how my depression and anxiety are doing (I have Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, and Anxiety); if she didn’t, I probably wouldn’t bring it up. One time, my sister said something in text that was extremely hurtful, although I’m sure she didn’t mean for it to come across that way. My therapist asked why I didn’t confront her and I said why create tension or increase the stress of my already highly stressed/overwhelmed sister. So, I said I was just going to let it be. My therapist said, “So, basically, you’re just going to stuff it…” I responded with, “Yup.” And moved on to another topic. I DO want to go deeper and work on why I don’t express a lot of my feelings (suppressing, stuffing, ignoring, etc.) and why I don’t feel some feelings that I know I SHOULD be feeling, such as love. I feel really disconnected from people, the world, and life. I feel like life is a parade and I’m just watching it go by. Music used to be a passion of mine. Recently, I heard it described: “Music is what feelings sound like.” That would be why my passion has mostly faded. I don’t feel the feelings I used to many, many years ago. The handful I do feel are muffled in nature, if that makes any sense. People say, “You can’t love others until you love yourself first.” I find it to be the opposite. I find it hard to accept the love of others, because I don’t love myself. I don’t even really remember what it feels like to feel love. I used to love other people, even without loving myself. I recently had to say goodbye to two really close friends because one started to get back into drug abuse and the other stole medication from me. You’d think I would have had a period of mourning and missing them. But I really didn’t. And I find that odd, like I really should have felt some feelings when I let them go. A lot of the feelings I have, if you could even consider it that, are merely IDEAS of the feeling and not the actual feeling itself. Kinda like: I know I should be feeling such-and-such feeling when such-and-such happens, but I simply don’t. I don’t know if any of this helps, or if it helps you to know you definitely are not the only one feeling such a way. I don’t know why I experience feelings the way I described here, and doubt you experience them that way too, but I hope it helps to know that there are people out there who are dealing with similar issues.