Your wife may have Depression as part of her diagnosis and not because of you. All or Nothing thinking that if “you” have one slight issue reflecting ADHD that the whole is bad. Most of the ADHD persons I have met have very very creative aspects and are good natured at heart. It might be better to be with someone that has these attributes than to be with a controlling you know what. She may also be overgeneralizing everything that is happening to be “your fault” due to the ADHD and then allowing her to project her inadequacies in communication onto you. You are letting her do this and then are the victim and saying “everything is my fault because she is leaving emotionally and physically”. It may not be all your fault. Some of it might be her personality and control issues too. I am not sure which is better to have Depressive disorder, where no matter who you meet or what you do you find the negative in it, or ADHD where you can actually focus intensely on something and become very skilled at it, despite not being able to sustain attention to detail in other areas. If you were a non abusive, non drug abusing and kind respectable individual that tries to give and love in the relationship, then she will have to be given space to realize what she will be missing!
As far as the executive function issues, how bout taking on one task at a time toward change – drawing up a general schedule to start and following that. Then make a list of the areas that you would like to work on and make the steps to working on these areas specific, but give yourself time to deal with and master one area at a time. When one has ADHD they do not know where to start, they are overwhelmed with all of it. To me, ADHD is that the individual is receiving more sensory inputs than the next dullard, and as a result, have difficulty making decisions. But if you make a list of what decisions are priorities and set a path to how to do that, you might become successful as things become more automatic.
- This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by nlbhunter.