Reply To: Im ADHD and in need of romance and affection from my wife

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Adults Im ADHD and in need of romance and affection from my wife Reply To: Im ADHD and in need of romance and affection from my wife

#58602
gentlygenli
Participant

Woo, don’t grope. Attention, not impulse.

If the context of your sexual attentions is that she’s cooking dinner or trying to tell you something, you’re being disrespectful, you’re cheapening your relationship, and you’re treating her like your sex doll. Her reactions to you will reflect the fact that your actions are selfish and self-gratifying. She will find those same attentions less attractive even in a more appropriate setting because you’ve cheapened them by your behavior.

Give her meaningful attention. Welcome her with a kiss rather than grope her when she ties her shoes. Offer to rub her back as she’s telling you about her hard day (and kiss her, too, but not in a you-better-put-out-now way) and ask her for a rub or cuddle later that night. Don’t stay up until the last instant and fall exhausted into bed–if you want intimacy, make appropriate time for it that doesn’t leave either of you sleep deprived. Even if you have to schedule it!

You’re married. She’s yours. But you’re hers, so treat her with the respect for context that you would want. Don’t treat her like a breathing sex toy. Impulsiveness is the brother of selfishness.

The Five Love Languages help a lot of people.