Reply To: Ways ADHD Ruins Marriage

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gentlygenli
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While a lot of boys get their ADHD diagnosed, diagnosed or not, a lot of boys are also raised to be selfish, mean, and even violent. It’s ugly to say, but when you combine ADHD with a bad view of appropriate masculine behavior, many times, the result is catastrophic because the selfish impulses that come with ADHD aren’t countered with a recognition that this is wrong and ugly. It’s allowed as a prerogative of a male child. Therefore, in a world where women don’t have to put up with being treated like dirt, marriages break up.

That said, some men who start out like this (minus violent–give that a pass right away) do eventually realize, over time, that they’re being jerks. But only if their bad behavior isn’t tolerated. You have to find a way of telling a person something they don’t want to hear in a way that THEY will listen. It’s very individual. With my husband, nothing short of complete bluntness usually even registers. (One of our first epic fights after we married was over why it was not okay for him to habitually use my toothbrush. This is evenworse than you think because his toothbrush is never rinsed right, so it’s encrusted with layers of old toothpaste, and he CHEWS it. That is where we started.)

With other people, though, you have to be extremely delicate about it.

Nagging is always, always failure.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by gentlygenli.