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I might add…
Don’t feel bad about the punishments. Seriously. Things are harder for people with ADHD but not impossible. Different people are differently motivated to work out solutions–and there ARE behavioral modification solutions for many ADHD behaviors. Punishment is a powerful motivator for many. For me, it was always that I sought to DO things. All the techniques of my first 37 years are just far easier to apply now that I’m on drugs. :).
Too much punishment is a thousand times better than excusing bad behavior because “she can’t help it.” In the real world, no one cares WHY you are selfish and unreliable–much less if you’re violent!!! They just don’t. The reasons are really irrelevant–finding a motivation that works and ways of approaching the problem that make headway are what matters.