Hi RV, As a woman with ADHD, I can definitely relate to the issue of “mental load” and how ADHD is absolutely a complicating factor. I would, though, propose a few points for consideration. Would a woman with ADHD be able to defer responsibility for mental load? In my experience, the answer is no. I tthink as people with ADHD who are in committed relationships, we have a responsibility to learn strategies to manage our ADHD, as much as possible, and to share the mental load of daily life with our spouses. Even if we are less than perfect at it, we owe it to our spouses to keep up rhe effort and not just shift the load. For their part, I think spouses of folks with ADHD need to recogize the effort that mental load requires from us, and value our contibutions in this area even if they aren’t always flawless.
Look at it this way: If you weren’t married, who would bear the mental load of cleaning, cooking, organizing appts, etc? If you have some things thar are particularly hard for you, as I do, I think its fine for your partner to take responsibility for these, but you can’t sort of defer responsibility for mental load wholesale. I also question why the eequitable division of household labour, mental or otherwise, is so often labelled “feminism” instead of “basic fairness,” but I digress 🙂 Sorry about any errors in spelling/grammar, I’m typing on my phone.
Edited: Just to clarify; I’m using “you” in the generic sense, referring to adults with ADHD in general, not any single individual
- This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by toomanytabs.