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I think you should stop trying to figure out a diagnosis for him and get out as soon as you can. Whether you try to look objectively at it or not, he’s your husband and not a patient, so your feelings are bound to be mixed about it. But that isn’t even the problem.
It sounds like it’s been going on for too long. Aren’t you tired? If you have children at home, it’s even a stronger reason to consider getting out of your marriage. Your husband is the one who’s supposed to protect and take care of you, make you feel special and loved. But it sounds like he does the opposite of that, it doesn’t even sound like he’s regretful. Mental abuse is not OK. It takes over your life until it’s the only thing you think about and you get used to it. Don’t let it be an every day thing. You will be so much happier living without that person and you have NO obligation staying with someone who makes you feel less of a person.
You deserve to be independent and make your own choices, without someone looking down on you or your children.
I’m sure if you try to get out, he’ll plead and say he’s going to change and things will be good for a short while. But then everything will get back to the same thing. Please STRONGLY consider leaving him.
Edit: I saw your post about how you are just staying because of your children. But don’t you think that is just doing more damage to them? What are you teaching them, to stay in a miserable marriage and to just accept all the abuse? Don’t give up. I think it’s time for you to fight.