Do you do any type of cbt therapy? A really big thing for me as of late has been acknowledging my emotions in the moment, but trying to understand them within my ADHD. Meaning, I may feel or perceive rejection from my partner, which triggers a range of emotions and potentially vindictive responses. I instead try and not react to this emotion. Because I know that this sensitivity stems from my ADHD. But also, I have a truly amazing partner who supports me in every way imaginable. And she actively tries to work with me through these things. Some of that means she reframes how she will present things to me.
ADHD in a relationship is a 2 person battle. Both partners need to be invested in making changes and working to be effective for one another.
She understands how I can be triggered by otherwise small things, so she remains conscious of that. She understands how my hyperfocus and exhaustion with certain tasks presents, so she no longer feels like I’m intentionally ignoring her or like she doesn’t matter, because it’s more complex than that. She no longer takes it personally, because she understands it’s not about her.
But because she’s so great and working with me. I need to work with her as well. I may slip up and get frustrated with her because my brain told me I wasn’t good enough, when in reality, it was merely perception and not what she’d actually told me. I have to make sure that I’m not using my diagnosis as an excuse for doing that to her. I need to apologize. And more importantly, I need to communicate in the moment about how I’m feeling. She trusts and respects how ADHD effects me, so I can tell her how what she said (while telling her I understand it’s simply my brains perception and not reality) has caused me to feel. We’re able to talk about it, and use that to try and reframe future interactions.
Moral of this story is that open and honest communication is super effective. As well as 2 partners who are willing to both work at it, while accepting that you’ll both make some mistakes along the way.