I could’ve almost written your post & have had many similar challenges! But my daughter is 4 1/2, I do also have ADHD, and the reason I logged in was to get advice about a violent outburst she had with a friend. (Still struggling with that!) I’ve made so many of the changes you mentioned as well and feel like I’ve read 100 books. I also stopped using harsh chemical cleaners & detergent, added fish oil twice a day, and she does weekly occupational therapy. We also had a potty regression last summer (which lasted until 2 weeks ago,) after being trained for over a year. I feel like so much advice is geared to older kids, and is too harsh for a 4 yo. OR I try a new tactic that works for a couple days, and then she bores of it or figures out a way around it. The second i turn my back, the countdown timer will have been changed or the dry erase calendar scribbled over, magnets hidden, etc. Or she figures out another way to distract ME! We actually quit camp this summer and have missed out on some really great stuff because she just wants to stay home “and never leave mama.”
That said, there have been some improvements: I did notice positive changes with high protein breakfast and lunch, fish oil 2x a day (berleans lemon.). A book called It’s NO Accident by Steve Hodges helped much with incontinence. Taking Charge of ADHD by Steven Barkley is also providing some really helpful and practical advice, though I’m only half way in. I wish u strength, luck, and a awesome support system. I will continue to follow your journey.