Reply To: Boyfriend with ADHD just broke up with me because he is too stressed

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#56931
anomalocaris
Participant

I totally get where he’s coming from, which is why I choose to avoid relationships. With ADD and no way to get any kind of treatment, it’s all I can do to get through a day in a job that’s an ADD person’s nightmare. Since I always feel like I’m juggling too many knives and they’re on the verge of falling all around me, I simply don’t have anything left to give to someone who needs any kind of intimacy or needs me to deal with their stuff when I can’t even manage my own. But if he didn’t love you, he probably would have just shut down or walked away without looking back. I suspect he wants to be with you but he can’t right now without ruining a really solid, positive friendship. So I wouldn’t shut the door. I’d go with, “I get that you’re overwhelmed and can’t deal with being in a relationship right now, but I’m still your friend, so call me if you need me. No strings attached.” I’d go with it for 2 reasons: 1. You obviously have a friendship that’s good for both of you, so why walk away from that entirely? and 2. The fact that you’re willing to take a step back without breaking off contact entirely will perhaps in time reassure him that you’re never going to demand more than he can offer, and that may be the missing piece for him.