Reply To: HELP! Stuck in the Passive Aggressive, Spiteful and Vendictive Cycle

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#56915
dahl1970
Participant

Disagree about narcissistic personality disorder.
I find that Dx useless bc many people don’t meet the criteria and are narcissistic and abusive. Many narcissistic people are not abusive and many abusive people aren’t narcissistic even if controlling and selfish.
Please understand there is a subset of ADHD sufferers who are
1) impulsive and compulsive. They cannot wndcdint want to control impulses. They think impulses must be scratched
2) aren’t autistic but are extremely low in empathy And can’t read people
3) have fragile egos and are easily offended. Likely they had an ADHD parent model with these symptoms.
4) poor at taking responsibility. Will employ radical and obnoxious defense mechanisms
That said, most of this lot DO love their wives.

I suggest making an agreement you both agree on. That way your partner can’t say he didn’t break it. Start with LOVE. even if he doesn’t deserve it. It will help a lot. Tell him how hurt you feel. Tell him you want to work together to make it better. Do this even if it’s mostly on him. Start as equals. Don’t issue ultimatums. Instead if he hurts you badly do what you need to do even if it’s leaving. Do not do anything that will lead you to resent him. Don’t fix things got him. Let repercussions happen and be tactful explaining why they did. If you maintain composure he will be more likely to face himself. Find a friend to confide in.