Yeah, we’re working on it and I do take solace in that. But we talked again last night and it seems like she’s got a nearly unattainable distance to go. Like in a year she might just be able to unwrap 10%. Honestly, my biggest problem right now is that I don’t know how to wait what feels like could be years for any kind of intimate relationship to return. I feel very guilty about not wanting to be without intimacy for that long, but I have to be honest with myself also. She says she’s making progress, but even she agrees that it’s very slow. Last night she said at least she could “bear to look at me” now. Whoa.
I’ve now started on meds which are working to keep my brain from going a million miles an hour and ending up in some dark places of hopelessness. But still. I’m hoping the therapist, who we have an appointment with today, can maybe help give her some strategies to help her move along better, for her own sake. Or strategies for me to learn how to deal with not having a wife until years from now.
Maybe the healing will pick up in a month or so and we’ll really feel like we’re making progress. I don’t know, I’ve never done this before! I personally need that feeling, even if I know there’s still a long way to go. Progress is everything.