So sorry to hear this. One thing is for sure, he really knows how to push your buttons (and tug on your heart strings)! He’s become a master manipulator because it works. If it didn’t, he’d try something else.
The reality is that he probably won’t pull out of this unless/until he’s back on his meds. Until that happens, you really aren’t dealing with a reasonable, rational person and there’s nothing you can do to help him if he doesn’t want to help himself. I know this won’t stop you from worrying, but if it’s any consolation, I believe you are doing the absolute right thing with your ‘tough love’ and firm boundaries. I know it’s hard, but he has to fix himself; and the more you enable him by bailing him out, giving him money, etc., the less likely he will be to make lasting changes for himself.
Hang in there!
Parent Coach, mom of adult son with ADHD, author