Reply To: Can my boyfriend get better or shall I leave him?

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#56106
mamualvin
Participant

I did not have any idea I had ADHD. I thought I was a very talented and smart lazy looser who could never find the nerve to ask a girl out on a date. I had blocked the memory an incident that happened in middle school when I was 12 or 13 years of age. Until drugs and alcohol I had only two friends before High School (13-17 years of age). A few of the little boys got one of the little girls to write me “love” notes until I became convinced she liked me to make fun of me when I found out. I don’t have normal male ADHD. I am hyper-emotive internally not outwardly physically hyper. Due to this, their teasing had an extreme effect. I had an 8th month relationship in college in 1988, a handful of month long relationships since, and my first “real” date with someone with whom I had mutual interest and physical attraction two weeks ago next Tuesday. I have always been afraid somewhere deep down that any female who liked me was just pretending to hurt me. I am 48 years old. Don’t underestimate how horribly this condition can effect a life. Remember there a two kinds of ADHD (maybe some mixed?). Most research is about hyper little boys. The more talented you are and intelligent you are the easier ADHD is to hide from yourself and others. I am a talented writer, photographer and musician with an IQ somewhere in the 145-150 range. My ADHD I knew nothing about and was totally unaware of was diagnosed In January at 48. I hid it very well, especially from myself. I began taking methylphenidate in July, stopped self medicating with illegal drugs in March and my psychiatrist doubled my dose in January. I still feel I am improving every day. I have thought of suicide all my life before 2017. I never knew what “having a life” after treatment could be. There is no drug that can ever feel as good as being happy to be alive after spending 48 years in hell wishing you could die.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by mamualvin.