I have been in this situation, which was a combination of undiagnosed ADHD, followed by low self esteem, due to his opinion of himself as the dumb kid (fron the time that he started school he could never keep up and still has difficulty with reading and spelling) which led to his alcoholism. He is an impulsive and reckless man at the best of times, but is also a violent, blackout alcoholic. After 2 children and years of trying to keep myself and them safe, I finally left. It’s hard but it’s also the best decision I have ever made in my life. I do not regret putting our safety first, no matter how hurt he and my babies were. I didn’t realise this man had ADHD, until my son was diagnosed at 9 years old. Everything made sense. I spoke with my ex in detail and everything my son is experiencing, he had also experienced.
Having said all of this, to this day, his new wife is dealing with the same crap I did. I have been there and it is so much harder once you have kids. They will be in your life forever, once you are bound by children. There is no excuse for mistreatment of your partner, emotional or physical. Get out of this relationship now! It’s okay to put your happiness first – it’s not instant gratification, but I if you go, in a year or two, you’ll Have the chance to be happier than you ever been. If you stay, you’ll be where you’ve been for the last 4 years. Be brave, you’ve got this.