I’m feeling you. I worked with 1st responders for over 25 years and believed that I never fit in. A few things that I came to realize which helped.
1. There WERE times when I really connected to someone. That is harder to remember
2. Perhaps you are not supposed to fit in. Maybe you are meant to be set apart
3. You have meaningful relationships outside of work. If you keep that in mind, it will be enough.
4. The pain you are experiencing now will one day help someone who is not as strong as you are.
Embrace who you are and trust in your destiny