Reply To: ADD is Ruining My Life

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Vyvanse was pretty expensive when I was on Obamacare, I fond generic ridalin was more affordable, but didn’t work for me, made me feel foggy. Now I have a prescription for Focalin and it’s only $10 bucks with my current insurance, I think Vyvanse is $75 with my current insurance. It’s hard to not get despondent about where you are in life, but maybe we ADHDers feel it even worse. I’m totally not where I’d hoped I’d be. I didn’t realize I most likely have ADHD until a couple years ago. I change jobs a lot, I get fed up or bored with them. This is a good time to really sit with yourself and get to know you and be OK with you. I think having heard NO and you’re doing that wrong or just that most of what I was doing was wrong, bad, or of the devil, caused me to believe that who I am is basically wrong and that I need to try to be like other people in order to be successful. But I can’t be them, it’s too tiring. I was successful as a truck driver, but hated the long hours or being away from home for 2 weeks at a time. So I went back to school and got a degree in something that ended up making me miserable. I then tried to go back into trucking but since I had been out for 3 years no one wanted to hire me or they wanted me to start over and ride with a trainer and be gone a lot. So now I feel like I have to start over again or figure out what can I do that is a good fit for me? The tricky part is not worrying about how much it will pay. Maybe I need something with more immediate feedback and rewards? I don’t know. I worry a lot about my future, it seems so uncertain and so precarious.
I started a planner with my student success counselor (I’m 39 and I’m still working towards that degree)
It’s a 1-2-3 planner, it’s really simple, and I can also us it as a journal of how I feel that day. I got some cute stickers, and I use it to motivate me to do what every boring shit I have to do that day. Then I can also feel a sense of accomplishment when I’ve gotten to all the things. You have 1 must do today or else there are dire consequences, like paying a bill, ect. Then 2 should does like make an appointment, and 3 would like to get to but if I don’t no biggy. Eventually stuff in 3 end up in 2 and then 1.
If your income is low enough and you qualify for a Pell Grant, consider attending a college near you, they often have student support and counseling services that are free! I’m at OSU and I love that school for the student support services alone, I’m talking to an advisor, a student success counselor who is more like a life coach, and a career counselor.
Is there any free group therapy in your area? I wish I could find some free coaching, I need a coach, some one, not related to me or a friend who can help keep me on track. I get lost in the world distracted in the USA why all the ongoing sales pitches and mirages or opportunities.
Can you afford an ADHD coach? Even if it’s just once a month? Or a counselor you request to coach you? There are counseling services in my area that do sliding scale fees depending on income.
Diet and exercise can help, like try to eat as clean as possible, limit carbs, and try to eat more meat and green veggies.
Does being outside calm you? I find I can’t stand to be inside anymore if anyone is home. I find only nature is where I don’t feel like a failure or a weirdo. So I’m thinking about maybe a career outside. I also finally took the plunge and started building stuff like I always wanted to. I found I seem to have a knack for it and I loose myself in my projects and the Mac Demarco I play, and I’m in a way better mood after an hour or 2 of building. I’m not sure if I can build for money, but anything I can do for myself is one step closer to independence. You see, I know I can’t survive in this western culture that like to label people with any sort of perceived defect. We’re only struggling because we don’t fit into “Their” world. So I’m working to find a way to exist outside of it. Like an off the grid kinda of thing. I read some of Walden, and when he says he wants to negate the need to sell a basket to anyone it struck a chord with me, I literally yelled, “Me too!”
Find what you’re good at and own it! No matter what that is. We ADHDers have multiple interests and skills, cuz we get bored and move on to newer and better things. I think we also fear failure due to our experience trying to exist in an environment controlled by elitist. Do you have kids? If not this is a golden time to really find yourself and explore your opportunities. No pending college savings to worry about or other mouths to feed. I often wish I could go back to truck driving, but can’t because I have a child and can’t find a local day driving job. But for me trucking was a really good fit, it was very visually stimulating. Boredom is my constant toxic enemy.
I think the more your learn about your ADHD and who you are, the more you can know what works for you and what doesn’t and not feel guilty or bad about it. I think a lot of my decisions resulted from not knowing myself because I was always trying to be someone else, so I didn’t even know who I was, what I wanted or what was good fit for me.
Good Luck, God Bless, I’ll be praying for you.
Be kind to yourself, we only have this one life, don’t apologize for who you are.
You don’t have to change a thing, the world can change it’s heart.