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Sorry for your trouble. I’m sure it could happen to any of us with ADHD children. I want to address your comment about why the parents didn’t tell you that your son choked theirs. I was in a similar type situation where my non-ADHD child’s hair was pulled by a little girl from his kindergarten class while in our home. He called out, I ran in and saw him crying; he whispered in my ear that she had just pulled his hair. When I returned to the kitchen, next to where they were playing, I didn’t tell her mother. I’m not sure why but I felt it was best left unmentioned. Months later when something related came up, and she said she knew for sure her daughter would never act that way, I said, “Kids can surprise us sometimes. I know you would never suspect it but SO&SO pulled my son’s hair once.” Well, she vehemently denied it (as if I would make that up) but decided it might be because her husband was so strict about having the very shortest hair cuts on their son–she must have been projecting. She hasn’t spoken to me since.
As for arriving to a party drunk. I think there may be more things than just ADHD on your plate to deal with. In my opinion, it is never ok to arrive or get drunk in public–especially if parents were felt they had to keep their kids away and had to call the police. I wish you the best and hope you get the help you need to address any unresolved issues. Our behaviors affect our children in many ways both positively and negatively. Careful what you model.