Reply To: Financial mess and shame

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#55114
Flagirl2911
Participant

Dear Sir,
Congratulations! You’ve done the hardest thing anyone can ever do – confess our fears and ask for help.
Those 2 things are the start of healing and hope.
I read all of the threads. Please disregard any advice that made you feel ashamed and embrace the suggestions that make you feel hopeful.
I know you are worried about hurting your wife but the kindest thing you can do is be honest with her and trust that she is stronger than you think, and that she’s relieved to know your truth.
A few other things- focus on physical health (sugar is terrible for our ADD brains); pursue the right medication (it took me several tries to get the right combination of antidepressant and ADD meds).
I happen to be a Christian and believe God is the only one who can totally heal us. As Pascal wrote, we all have a God shaped vacuum (only a relationship with him will fill).
If you don’t believe in God I just encourage you to explore what you do believe.
Most people with ADD have a problem with addiction. Many churches have a group called Celebrate Recovery- open to anyone and everyone. Many of these people realized as an adult they are just discovering ADD was probably the root of the addiction. You don’t
have to belong to the church or even believe in God.
But having a supportive, loving, compassionate group of people who will not judge you is enormously healing.
I’ll be praying for you and your wife.
I was 51 when diagnosed with ADD, 6 years ago. I echo the statement that having been recently diagnosed is part of your depression and paralysis.
I had feelings of grief, anger, relief (there was actually a medical reason), fear…
Allow yourself to go through the stages of grief.
Your wife’s suggestion to paint and landscape is genius. Physical activity combined with productivity is healing.
Nurture and feed the physical, mental and spiritual needs- it’s common to focus only on 1 or 2 of these areas since we like to laser focus once we find something we are interested in. Also watch and read whatever makes you life. Great mood booster!
DON’T GIVE UP! God has a plan for your life and all of us in the forum are rooting for you.