Reply To: HELP! Stuck in the Passive Aggressive, Spiteful and Vendictive Cycle

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#55110
Trace
Participant

I’m pretty sure that this behaviour that your husband is displaying is not adhd. It sounds more like simply low emotional awareness and maturity causing hom to deal with problems in either an aggressive manner (bullying and controlling) or a passive aggressive manner (sulking). In addition, attempting to control others around you is often a sign of anxiety and low self esteem. Is this something you can talk to him about? Yes absolutely. Is it something you can change? No. But he can change it. What needs to happen though is for you to exert stronger boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not. Walk away from the bullying, and do not give attention to the sulking. If asked why, give an emotionally neutral response that his behaviour is not the right way to deal with these issues and that he needs to just talk to you about whatever is bothering him on an adult mature level. I highly recommend councelling, for both of you if possible but the raise just you, to develop some strengths and strategies to deal with these issues. Good luck.