as someone who has been in the same situation as your daughter, I can only strongly confirm that you just have to try to help herself. The most effective way to stop feeling bad for yourself, is to succeed at your challenges. I’ve only recently been diagnosed (at age 36), and throughout my whole school career, I’ve been told that I could do a lot better if i just tried and wasn’t so lazy. Now, I’m starting to accept who I am, and am rebuilding my self esteem.
So let her try and figure out a way that will help her get past the ‘difficulties’ that come with ADHD, and don’t always try to fix everything for her. I know it’s difficult, my mom did the same thing and I know she did it because she loves me, but in the long run it’s not the best solution.Start with small things, there are some very good self-help books out there to help with time-managment. Just let her know on a regular basis that you’re there for her when she needs help and isn’t alone, and that an ADHD brain can a big asset!
I hope I didn’t sound too condescending, but this is basically what I also told my mom.