Thank you all again for such kindness and understanding, its been a hellish. I had an apt today with a psych, I was terrified. I had an awful panic attack this morning before we left. The Dr was extremely kind to me, amazingly so. But it was hard being stripped bare and losing all my screwed up safety nets. Really soul deep challenging. I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder ADHD along with childhood trauma issues just to get a treatment protocol started, re-evaluation in two weeks to be reassessed as there may be something else. I’m also getting apt’s with a Psychologist specializing in childhood trauma. I’ve started to have flashbacks which are frightening, I buried all my past trauma deep in my head and its starting to come back out, it wasn’t a bundle of laughs the first time round.
My wife was wonderful today, so compassionate and held my hand through the whole process. She is so devastated and hurt, I can’t believe what a good soul she is, gives me faith. She has been talking of divorce but said she will allow me to stay and she will help me, keep a roof over my head. She played our wedding song after the apt and we hugged, my poor darling wife, we cried buckets. I guess there is hope.
I have been prescribed Vyvanse, and Seroquel so that I can sleep.
I told my family back in England too. They have been emailing and leaving messages of support. They are extremely worried about me understandably. I am hoping they can assist with some financial help just for now, as I have just $50 to my name.
My wife and I went to CentreLink yesterday to get some financial help, hundreds of pages of forms! The man was very, very kind to me too. And Jo was wonderful again. Fingers crossed.
My wife has suggested I paint the house and landscape the garden until I have recovered enough to start work again. I think that’s a great idea as I am very fragile and not coping very well, I think the manual work and being outside will help a lot and give me some confidence.
There’s a hell of a mountain left to climb, it’s overwhelming. But it gives me hope seeing that there are still many kind and compassionate people in the world, yourselves included, I am truly touched.
I am truly, truly grateful to you all for your human kindness and non-judgement, really.
I need to get well now so I can treat my wife in the way that she deserves, and I hope I get to do that for the rest of my life. Early days, one step at a time.
I will keep you posted.