Reply To: Mental Load, Feminism, and ADD

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You know, seeing comments like bec1124’s is so disheartening because it underscores how far we still have to go to educate people about what feminism is. Feminism is simply the belief that all people are equal. Women are equal to men, period. Oppression is bad, period. Nowhere in feminism are there rules about who does what in your household. In a feminist household, the division of labor (including work both in and out of the home) would ideally be divided in a fair and balanced way that considered each person’s strengths and weaknesses. Are you working a 60 hour week outside the home while your spouse is a homemaker? Your spouse may choose to make the majority of the meals, clean your home and do all of the shopping. That’s a lot of work, and it’s still not enough to keep a home running smoothly – hence the “mental load” of every other little thing that needs to be remembered and completed. Let me just say that as a woman with ADHD, I still do the majority of the mental load tasks in our household. Partially because my husband works outside the home and I have more time for them, but also because, as a woman, I’ve been culturally groomed to do them. Luckily for me, my husband does chip in with things like vacuuming, helping to take care of our child and some meals. Otherwise I’d be expected to be “on” 24/7, I’d burn out, and I’d probably want a divorce. The point of the comic was that you should respect your partner. Find ways to balance each other that emphasize your strengths. And hey, put the clean dishes away when the dishwasher is done. You are capable of that, even if you have ADHD. Trust me, I do it every day.