Reply To: Mental Load, Feminism, and ADD

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First of all, I am (was) a wife with ADD, and my husband probably had ADD. I used to be a feminist, then I grew up and realized that we are just different people with different gifts and talents. I just lost my husband last week, and in our 33 years of marriage I learned a lot. Nothing will ever be equal (life isn’t that simple). Don’t keep score: it’s not a game with rules, it’s a relationship. People are different, with different strengths and weaknesses. Life is too short to pick at each other about loading/unloading the dishwasher. Wives who get to stay home with their children need to remember that their husbands have demanding jobs at work, too, and that they are probably carrying a mental load that they have not wanted to bother their wives with.
Life with ADD is hard – reading this comic made me realize why it can be so difficult -I handled all this stuff without realizing what it all was, and I will say I did not do very well at it! But my husband loved me and we tried to work at it together – not in gender roles, necessarily, not with me as “manager”, and I had to remember that he had a job which paid a lot more than mine, so his job took priority.
My advice to couples: love each other unconditionally (ADD and all), appreciate each other, respect each other, work together – realizing each other’s strength and weaknesses and forgive each other! Your relationship is much more than societal norms, politics or someone getting his/her own way. If ADD is an issue, get help – this magazine gives a lot of information on ADD, related conditions, types of treatment and where to get treatment. Don’t let chores, mental fatigue or ADD get in the way of your relationship. It is not worth it!