Reply To: New to dating someone with ADHD

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#54204
Screwball
Participant

Liz, if I had to put you and my partner in the same room. May the higher powers help your partner and me, you two would probably go on for hours about our quirks… The answer is:

Yes, this is normal for your partner. I can see the exact same patterns in me when I met my partner 13 years ago. If I can quote a line from Shirley Manson “It seemed like rainbows would appear. Whenever you came near the clouds would disappear” (Garbage – Cherry Lips, Shirley Manson)

There is that insatiable need to know them (You) and we devote all our focus to getting to know you. As time goes that focus wanes, HOWEVER, we do still love our partners deeply. It’s very hard to see those little things that we do, to show you we still care. I am guilty of that. I guarantee you, Liz. This is normal lol. IMO, 5 months is a REALLY good sign. We only stick to the person we are comfortable with and know that will least likely judge us. We show our most embarrassing quirks to those we love (his sports game talks).

Being also a guy doesn’t help with the ADHD, because our conversation are along the lines of grunts and sounds from other orifices… My point is men have egos. ADHD doesn’t help that because we are constantly making mistakes and criticised about them since day dot. Unfortunately, it makes us very sensitive about the topic. This may work… If you want him to open up about his ADHD. Try asking him a closed ended and subtle question relating to him. It’s worked on me, because I love the praise and ‘SOMEONE has taken an interest in my strengths!?!’ keep it short too and give each conversation space. Take what little you can at the time. E.g.

– “Hon, you are amazing at (sport X) because you flow so well with rhythm of the game. Do you think it’s your ADHD driving you to be that good?” -> Answer is positive.
– “It’s really cool to be able to do that! Can you tel me what it’s like when playing?” -> And so on. Keep it short and be genuine.

In terms of your confusion… His habits won’t just get on your nerves. It will drive you Bat$H337 CRAZY! The best advise I can give to you is: TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST! I cannot stress that so much. Accept him for him and PLEASE don’t try to change him, encourage him and let him make those mistakes! He will love you for those things. We may be forgetful, but we remember those things and keeps our loved ones no.1 in our hearts.

I’d like to suggest this Youtuber, Jessica McCabe. Look her up by searching “how to ADHD.” She’s funny and insightful. The best thing about her is she and her Fiance/Husband (not sure if they’ve been hitched yet) HAVE ADHD. She’s got lot’s of videos to cover a spectrum of things ADHD. Also you’ve done the right thing by asking others, arm yourself with knowledge and apply that knowledge with your own and his tweaks.