Amb having read what you wrote I felt an instant recognition of how I USED to describe my life (on occasions the old ways of thinking rear their ugly head tho) I have been lucky to find a mentor who is similar to me especially in the way that I think and the abstract ways that I come to ideas. The key things that she has taught/shared with me are
It is what it is … for now, which in my logic that it will change and the situation and circumstances that I find myself in are not permanent
Make do with what you have …. for now, which for me is a focus on the now. An example is ” I can’t do this or that until I have ??” for me a key one is I can’t have a relationship until my boys leave home, I can’t finish a project because I don’t have the tool that will make it easier to complete. Most of us are extraordinarily good at procrastinating and making excuses.
Like Screwball said ‘baby steps’
Sit down in a space that make you feel comfortable and review what you see as the negatives of add and see if you can find 1 positive in your life experiences. From an outsider it seems to me that you have been adventurous and traveled. Life is not lineal and at 42 there is still so much that can and will change.