That additional layer of anger and aggression really make this situation about more than ADHD — about something different entirely. Yes, the anger and emotional struggles are likely part of his ADHD, but the anger, not where it stems from, is the issue.
It is easy to fall into the trap of blaming everything on ADHD. I did it with my own son for years, and still find myself going there on occasion. The key is to find the balance between understanding someone’s strengths and weaknesses, and enabling learned helplessness because of ADHD. It’s often a fine line and not always easy. The conversations need to switch from talking about ADHD to talking about specific behaviors.
It may help a little to understand anger and ADHD:
And an article for him: https://www.additudemag.com/how-my-adhd-anger-hurt-my-marriage-and-kids/.
I know you were looking for replies from folks with similar experiences, but I think having all of this information will be helpful in your decision-making on where to go from here.
ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism