I’m truly sorry for the unhappiness in your marriage, but this sort of rant really upsets me. It’s obvious you are miserable, and for whatever reason have felt trapped and unable to do anything, but this is NOT typical ADHD behavior. And why do you feel the need to bring Trump into this?
My brother has ADHD, and he is nothing like this. He is forgetful and can be scattered, but he has a wonderful family, he works hard and he is very thoughtful and kind. I also have ADHD (although feels more like ADD as I get older). I’m sure my husband gets irritated with my forgetfulness and how easily I can sidetracked, but our marriage is fantastic! Sex is better than ever after 30 years.
If you are doing all the work, feeling embarrassed, not getting sex, and putting up with bad behavior all these years, then you probably have some issues, too. Why did you never leave? It took you 10 years to figure out he was a jerk, and then you stayed anyway? What am I missing?