Reply To: Divorce over undiagnosed ADHD

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LauraG
Participant

Dear adhd527,

In 1994, our second son was born 7 1/2 weeks prematurely. When he was five weeks old, we moved from California to Pennsylvania. At the time my husband and I had been married for seven years, together for 11.

We moved east because my husband was from New York and I am from Maryland and we missed our family although we loved living in California for five years. As soon as we moved, I got postpartum depression and my husband started working a lot of late hours. The reason he was working late hours is because a woman at his office got her hooks into him and decided she was going to steal him from me. Meanwhile I kept getting sicker and sicker because I was not getting adequate treatment .

The situation continued until the summer of 1996. We went through marriage counseling for nine months, during which time my husband refused to give up his girlfriend and insisted that they were only friends. Meanwhile I had a toddler and a baby to take care of, as
well as a major depression on my hands.

Fourth of July 1996, my husband told me that the girlfriend had invited him and our two little boys to her parents house for a celebration. I asked if I was invited and he said no.

It was then that I decided I had to leave him, he would never leave her and it was an impossible situation.

Over the years, we had many fights in front of our kids. But we did have a definite agreement that we would try to do the best for them. The older one turned out to be a very good success. The younger one is taking much longer to grow up and is having some issues with growing up. All in all, I think that it was definitely right for us to get divorced even with all the pain and heartache that it caused.

The reason my husband stopped loving me was because I was ill and I would not take Prozac because I was still nursing our younger son. At the time it was not known if Prozac was transferred through breastmilk and whether it would hurt the baby or not. My husband truly thought that this was the only solution to my depression

I was divorced for 15 years, but eventually I met someone. During those 15 years I was engaged three times to be married and it didn’t work out. Fourth time was the charm and I actually did get married again. We are both happy to have a second chance at love and we cherish our marriage every day. We go to marriage counseling to keep things on an even keel and to learn how to better communicate with each other.

My new spouse has a hard time dealing with my depression, also with my new diagnosis of ADHD. I am not an easy person to live with but he has an incredible amount of patience and I am so grateful that he married me. He is so much better than my first husband! If I didn’t divorce my first husband I would never have my second husband who is so much better!

Just think…. someday when you will have wife number two, who you will love so much more and who will be such a better wife to you than the one who tells you she doesn’t love you because of your diagnoses. Wife number two will love you for who you are, who will not despise you for who you are!

Right now you have to concentrate on learning to take care of yourself, and taking care of your kids by yourself when you are with them. Doing the best job possible for them. Then when the time is right, love will come to you again. Keep your faith & take care.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by LauraG.