I started following the steps in http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/house-home/housekeeping/how-to-divide-household-chores and got equitable chores after 15 years of marriage. We incorporated a highly visible component of a kanban-style chore board. I also realized that my daily chore routine wouldn’t work for my husband, he did best with fitting in a few hour block once a week.
He’s working two jobs so sometimes he literally isn’t able to do much in the way of housework. We have some basics (exmample: http://www.aslobcomesclean.com/2017/03/bare-minimum-house-cleaning-plan/) where he can do stuff even if he’s only got 5 minutes. But I pretty much just accept that some times anything that gets done will be done by me. That isn’t as frustrating now that has become the exception rather than the rule.
But the fundamental difference, is that my husband thought he was doing about half the household tasks(including everything like cooking dinner, taking care of the children, getting the car to the shop, scheduling maintenance people, etc etc) and he just hadn’t realized the full extent of what that meant. So it was fairly easy to get him on board with doing more once he knew what the full scope was.
As an easily irritated, easily overwhelmed, easily put on the defensive person, I recommend that you initiate the conversation along the lines: “We need to talk about how we’re taking care of the house. Come up with a plan and be ready to talk about it in 2 days. If you don’t know where to start, try <link>.”