Reply To: Can my boyfriend get better or shall I leave him?

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#52718
AnneHW
Participant

All I can tell you is it’s not going to get better any time soon, if ever. Whenever I read this sort of thing, I take a deep breath and sigh. I was in two abusive relationships, and the first one really had a hold on me. He was emotionally abusive, and everything was my fault. And I also loved him, and I was also worried about losing things if I left. I would move out on a fairly regular basis, only to go back. And, of course, he was very sweet whenever I came back, but it never lasted. It was a constant emotional roller coaster. Then I met another man who seemed to be the complete opposite. He was crazy about me, and he was also an alcoholic. Of course, I didn’t realize that for awhile; I just thought we were having a good time going out to the bars. I’m not a big drinker, but I had more than my share when we were together, so it was always easy to see myself as part of the problem. Fortunately, I was never as hooked into him as I was with the first, and my biggest problem with him was my sense of failure and embarrassment. In both cases I had to walk away and leave quite a bit behind, including pets. But, thank God, I finally came around to my senses, and I won’t tell you it was easy or it happened overnight.

Now I’ve been married to a wonderful man for 30 years. He is kind, generous, understanding, and I know I am loved. We have arguments, and sometimes they’ve gotten pretty heated, but that is not the norm. Even then, we do not say things to hurt one another. And I have never felt like I wanted out of our relationship.

It’s your choice because your boyfriend isn’t going to make it for you. Stay and understand that the past is a good indicator of the future. Or, find some inner strength (he’s probably going to get the dogs and whatever else he wants) and move on. Life is REALLY short, and as far as I know, there’s no do over. I’ve got too many girlfriends who are in unhappy marriages who didn’t leave when they could have. Now, for various reasons, they’re stuck and pretty much living separate lives in the same household, along with being miserable.