Reply To: Married wants Divorce undiagnosed ADHD together for 17 years

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#52328
Miss. Conduct
Participant

Dear ADHD527,
How awful! Your pain is palpable through your writing. But I want to share with you the feelings a wife goes through when she feels like her spouse is just another child. She has lost not only that loving feeling, it’s far worse. She doesn’t respect you!!? I have this feeling im my bones she may have already picked a saddle out for another bronko? Wow.. I also notice you keep on about being misdiagnosed & how that is somehow all the blame? You and I both know it’s far deeper than that and there is far more complex. Are you aware that you are giving your keys to your own happiness a home in her pockets? Marriage is not 50/50. It’s 100/100, and more than not, it’s 120/120! I admire the love you have for your children and your wife. You said it yourself, “I know we’ll be able to coparent well.” Maybe it is time for you to learn to love yourself first. If she feels that you have just been another child – she also means, she doesn’t want to be intimate with you either. That her emotional needs haven’t been met for a very long time. I do not see her changing her mind. I’m so sorry to be blunt but I prefer the harsh truth over a comforting lie any day. You’re failing to realize your own worthtoo? The begging her to stay doesn’t “make her realize” you’ve changed. At this point, to her it’s more child-like behavior. (If you just keep on & keep on, Mom will eventually allow you to buy that toy). I think this is a fanyastic opportunity for you. Also for the kids, they need to see their Dad in a male role, not subversive to their Mom. No one gets married thinking they’d divorce. But there are times when enough is enough. I know with the OCD change is horrifying but I also know, you ARE WORTHY of love and mutual respect.
All My Love,
-M.C.