Reply To: Married wants Divorce undiagnosed ADHD together for 17 years

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#52309
donsense
Participant

I dont know what to say to a friend of mine who feels as you do. He was married for thirty years and looked after his wife through three kidney transplants. Now that the third one is a success she has left to join their adult daughter . They live separately a thousand miles away. He was diagnosed at the same time his daughter, two decades ago but did not seek out any treatment. He is devastated. He has said he will move there to find work but they are discouraging him. I have attempted to get him to do more than just join a support group but it is like talking to a wall. He loves to talk and during his life has had many jobs, overcame drug problems, still battles with alchohol and is slowly winning the cigarette battle.
I believe if he wins that battle and the alchohol he might want to move there and give it a try. Absence they say makes the heart etc..
As I am also ADHD divorced 3 times and actually liking this time to myself, what can i say or do, if anything, that will encourage him to seek treatment. He came with me to the support group but has not sought any additional help since then. Closing in on his mid 60s he has a beautiful basso profundo or deep bass voice, unfortunately cant read music. ( which is how we met). He loves singing in a choir or even just with a group. His friends are all musicians. I sing in 3 chorus/choirs and his wifes brother who is close to him is a prolific modern opera composer, choral director, and university music professor as well as a regular jazz and local club performer.

I look forward to seeing the answers to your dilemma as i am sure they will help him as well.