I am in a similar situation and often thought I may be Adult ADHD but when approached my doctor told that I couldn’t have managed my university studies if had this. I have done the self assessments and my score is approx. 90%. I sincerely empathise with your situation. I hope the loving words here offer hope and practical steps and support from those who have similar experiences. You are not alone. Awareness enables us to find solutions. Be kind and loving to yourself and look for work where you will initially pay the bills while you find your way. Which you will. The best mentors and coaches are those who have gone through these painful experiences and come out the other side. My prayers are with you and your wife. Totally agree with the reply re comparing with a medical diagnosis – you are not to blame and no less a valuable, worthwhile person. Blessings.