Reply To: Some thoughts, Relationship between Clinicaly depresed and ADD person

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Women & Girls Some thoughts, Relationship between Clinicaly depresed and ADD person Reply To: Some thoughts, Relationship between Clinicaly depresed and ADD person

#52097
AnneHW
Participant

I wonder what it is about ADD/ADHD and being attracted to people who have problems? You’re going to do what you’re going to do, no matter what anyone else tells you, so I’ll just give you my experience.

ADHD runs in my family, but no one knew what it was. My dad had a pretty severe case, although he was responsible and took care of us. Fortunately, my mom was strong and reliable, so I think that made a huge difference.

I felt bad about myself because my relationships with people were so spotty. It was especially true with men. I had a nice boyfriend in high school, and I’m sorry to say that I wasn’t all that nice to him. Frankly, I was bored. Then I left home and met a man I fell in love with because he was controlling. I felt like I needed that; I needed someone who wasn’t going to put up with my crap. Unfortunately, he was also psychologically abusive, which really played into my insecurities. I left him when I met another man who seemed to really be “into” me. He was everything my ex wasn’t, but he was also an alcoholic. And before long, he was being physically abusive.

Fortunately, I had a lot of perseverance, and I knew I wanted more for myself. I ended up meeting a really nice man who is caring, kind and although everyone has “something,” he’s pretty darn normal. Let me tell you how much easier my life is because I’m not dealing with my issues and his! I’m not saying your boyfriend is a bad guy because he is dealing with depression. I get depressed on a regular basis, so my heart goes out to him. However, you are two people trying to have a relationship and struggling with your own stuff.

You guys will have to decide if this is going to work for you. I lasted about 5-8 years with each of my ex husbands, and it did not EVER get better. I’ve been with my husband for 30 years now, and despite my personal setbacks, he loves me, he’s supportive and I am eternally grateful.

I think people with ADD/ADHD are smart and very sensitive. If you can find happiness with this person, then go for it. But you need to know that being in a relationship is not about drama. Yes, it takes a certain amount of work no matter who you are with. But you don’t have to feel like it’s that difficult. I’m 65 in August, and I can tell you life is SHORT! It goes by so quickly you almost want to kick yourself for the time you’ve wasted. But I also know that you cannot tell another person what to do or how to feel. Whatever you decide, I hope you find happiness.