Reply To: Engaged and on the verge of a breakdown

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#51548
CherB
Participant

So this is the first time I am on these forums…your particular post just seems all to familiar. I am married 9 years, dated for 2 years before that, my husband was diagnosed as an adult 2 years ago (2015) – your story sounds like my life story for the past 6-7 years of our marriage. It all started to become apparent after our kids were born, the drastic change in our life made it his symptoms worse. It was therapy or divorce, he chose therapy. It took 3 therapist and 1 year later for him to actually be diagnosed and medicated, 2 more therapist and one short separation, now we have been with our current couples therapist for a little over a year. We are STILL working and its hard to forgive and forget (my biggest issue). So Penny is right, he has to take responsibility for his own actions – you can no longer “help” him. Start helping yourself and you will be much happier.. If he is not willing to get the help he needs then I am sorry you will never succeed or you will end up like me a year ago questioning my sanity, depressed, angry and falling apart. What changed it is seeing my poor girls shudder in fear for their fathers outburst (never physical), thinking this was normal life, I will NOT let my girls grow up thinking any person should be treated this way! So my husband is now in the process of finding a ADHD Coach (it has been 2 months since he said he will find one), so I am hopeful and unfortunately cautious..

I am not one to judge at all and my life is STILL not great – work in progress, I think. I am still searching for much needed answers and constantly ask myself why am I doing this.. I do suggest is see the warning signs before you take that big step, don’t marry just because society conforms us to believe we should be by this age.

Hopefully yet unfortunately you can find comfort in knowing you aren’t alone, I know I just did…