Home › Welcome to the ADDitude Forums › For Spouses & Loved Ones › Artficial Insemination to avoid ADHD in children from ADHD husband. › Reply To: Artficial Insemination to avoid ADHD in children from ADHD husband.
This made me a little sad. Obviously I don’t know how severe your presentation is, but it sounds a bit like you’ve given up on yourself (I hope I’m wrong!)
My situation i the reverse of yours: I have an 8 year old and my VERY RELIABLE spouse and his parents hold the fort down, and I inadvertently and sometimes unknowingly disappoint and offend them all a lot. Andrew may be presenting, but it’s hard to say at this point if it’s heredity or modeling. Either way, we’d never erase him–he’s our biggest joy and a super fun and well-behaved kid, though he does his work way too slow in school. I admit that it’s scary for me to wonder if AJ will struggle more because of “my genes.”
Perhaps you could try to reframe a bit–ADHD has many hidden gifts are frankly delightful to pass on when well- managed, and systems can be put in place to help you all. Please don’t think you are not worthy of having a biological child. You all should watch “How to ADHD” on YouTube–she’s wonderful and can help you all EMBRACE the joys that come with this.
Be SURE you really mean it/are OK with this option BEFORE bringing this up to your wife. By that I mean, make sure you’re not subconsciously trying to set her up in any way as a test of her love for you, or playing martyr. Both scenarios are not shameful–I see these behaviors in myself when I’m being honest. If you are sure it’s a purely noble motive, and if she considers it and you both decide to do it, COMMIT to the decision and never look back, accept that child as yours either way and you two still can have the bonding experience of raising a child together.
Just my opinion. Also, don’t give up on getting the best treatment for yourself–this could change both of your minds as well, and you can be a better role model as well.s