Reply To: Financial mess and shame

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#51342
stunned
Participant

June 14, 2017

Dear Sir,

1. Q. “why have I done this, fear, shame, madness, I honestly don’t get it? And I don’t know how to tell her, cant do anymore broken hearts.”
A. “I’m a 50 year old male that discovered I had ADD at 46 when my son was diagnosed.”

In sum, you were just diagnosed 4 years ago. This diagnosis is a very tough pill to swallow! You did not choose to have ADHD. You did not choose to lose your job. You did your very best under extreme conditions, but you still have time if you act today! If medication is recommended the sooner you start your drug trial the better because in my case it took me 3 years to find the correct dosage level while going through a very trying divorce. Because you are still married you will likely learn what works ten times as fast!

2. Q. “I will try and sit with your advise and take it in.”
A. Actually, I strongly recommend that you immediately react to my advice to save what you have. So if your family doctor recommends medication then ask him/her for an “immediate” referral to a psychiatrist who specializes in adult ADHD and get into his/her office by the end of this week on an “emergency” basis. Bring a printout of your article and the comment section with you, plus the financial documents, and ask the psychiatrist to start with the best version of the medication” you will need. Take only the “name brand” because the way the pill is glued together will disperse better than the cheaper generic version. (Source was a psychologist with an expert knowledge in kids with ADHD and she herself had ADHD as well.) Your goal right now is to be able to fight a forest fire with the absolute best equipment until the forest fire is out.

3. Q. “I’m really struggling with the fact I am in this situation again in life, waiting for impending doom.”
A. “I’m a 50 year old male that discovered I had ADD at 46 when my son was diagnosed.”

– Please do not wait, but react and immediately see the recommended professionals.
– What I am trying to tell you is simply this:
– Before you were diagnosed at age 46 you adapted as best you could.
– Today your doctor has just given you a “second chance” at a better life.
– But, unless you do something “today” you will not have the opportunity to find out:
(a) that your wife really loves you;
(b) that your wife will honor her marriage vows, in “sickness” and in “health”;
(c) that every caring ADHD adult wants both of you to succeed in your hour of need to create a much better future for yourselves and your son;
(d) this is most important that “you were not to blame” for the financial mess you are in at this moment,
but if you “stall” on this especially after I have shared significant life experience with you I will have failed to save a caring husband and father!
– Acting on my recommendations will take a ton of courage under very trying circumstances.
– I am going to make an assumption here and give you an idea of where you can get a job today. I am going to assume that your health is still good. So find out immediately what you need to do from your doctor or psychiatrist, then take the minimum courses to become an entry level laborer job and get even a day laborer job to get cash coming into your bank account. Second, immediately speak to a counselor about your financial situation and get an immediate referral from him/her to the appropriate professional to deal with your credit card debt and mortgage debt.
– Your ADHD combined with the immediate treatment will give you the absolute best tools to deal with this crisis, but if you stall you will prevent your wife from helping
the man she loves in “your” hour of need.

4. Q.”And I don’t know how to tell her, can’t do anymore broken hearts. … it feels like their is someone else that takes over and screws my life. Im not avoiding responsibility, Im just saying its not me. The real me is horrified and cant bear it. I don’t know what takes over me and then I have to lie and avoid and deny to survive what I have done. How do I phrase this to my wife?”

A. No problem, just bring her with you to the family doctor and other professionals and “they” will explain to her that you are not faking your difficulties, that she needs to immediately understand your situation and provide the maximum support to you in “your hour of need”, that if she chooses to act that the whole family wins. She can also ask me questions through this forum or off-forum by asking the moderator to send your email address to me which I give consent to do by this post.

Example: If your wife was just diagnosed with diabetes would you tell her to eat all the desserts she wants or would you work with her doctor to “immediately” modify her diet, get the insulin she needs, and provide moral support until her blood sugar level is stabilized. If she does not get the appropriate medical care she will become blind and ….

Your situation is no different! You need to immediately find the appropriate treatment and she needs to provide as much support as possible. The reason I recommended a labor job is because many people don’t like to be outside in tough weather situations, but if you do not have the education to get a professional job then it is the easiest way to get back to work. If you tell me what city you live in and the education you have I can probably recommend jobs you could look at. If you have any friends now is the time to call on every favor to get immediately back to work. Call in every favor you can from your immediate family, siblings, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, even the mailman. When the crisis is over take them out for an amazing meal. Tomorrow they could need your help and they will know that they can count on you because they were there to help in your hour of need.

NB: In my hour of need my immediate family and parents “refused” to accept the diagnosis and because of that in my hour of need they abandoned me. Perhaps you are part of a loving family and will not have to suffer on your own. Despite the hell I went through on my own the medication I was given “saved” me and today I am remarried in my own home, my kids have their own families, own homes, good careers, because I got the “help I needed”. To clarify this matter even more, my former wife learned the hard way that the ADHD I suffer from “combined” with the medication resulted in me obtaining sole custody of my kids! It was the same ADHD that she refused to accept that gave me the ability to keep at it under very trying circumstances that those who do not suffer from ADHD would have given up years before. Had she loved me the same ADHD combined with the medication would have allowed her to not need to be in the major financial mess she is in today! My only debt today is my mortgage. In her case today a large mortgage, a vehicle lease, massive house rent, two young high needs children from a failed second relationship, failing health, a job she “must work at” that she hates, a weight gain in excess of 80 lbs, and a “stress level” ten times worse than before my diagnosis!

5. Please act and get the medical care you need by the end of this week. In my case, the effect of the medication I was given was so dramatic that it was as if I had been blind my entire life and then I could see for the first time. The treatment you will receive will help you get a job, will help you deal with your credit card debts and mortgage debt, and will help you with your social skills. This last part is really important because my former associates took advantage of my situation and I had no clue at all that they were doing that. Today the medication protects me and does not allow others who wish to be mean to me in a subtle way to get away with it!

6. Please take the next step even thou you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. You will need an element of faith to do this. You have more going for you than you realize and I pray that this post gives you the hope you need to take the next step with your wife at your side.

7. What you do today will not only help you, but it will also give major relief for your wife, because remember your son was “also” diagnosed with ADHD. A lot of her energy will be focused on helping him succeed. Now is your opportunity to teach your son what he needs to do to never be in the situation you are today. You have just saved him probably 30 years of suffering and your efforts today will ensure that he can follow all his dreams because he was given the “medical” help he was needed.

8. I hope you take that medical help today and by the end of this year have got a good handle on all of your financial problems! Remember you still have 15 years of work available to you today!