Thank you for all your words of support, you are very kind. I’m really struggling with the fact I am in this situation again in life, waiting for impending doom. When it gets to this point its like all the scenarios now enter my field of focus and I think “oh my god, what have I done?”, it feels like their is someone else that takes over and screws my life. Im not avoiding responsibility, Im just saying its not me. The real me is horrified and cant bear it. I don’t know what takes over me and then I have to lie and avoid and deny to survive what I have done. How do I phrase this to my wife? How do I actually tell her, Im freaking out and my mind just locks up when I think about it and I just want to run away.
I will try and sit with your advise and take it in. But Im hurting and I truly cannot bear to hurt my wife again, she deserves better. I know its going to bad and Im scared that I will lose everything and end up on the street and never see my wife an son again. Life is too hard for me, I struggle so much and Im so tired.
I feel such a fraud, so dishonest and at the same time Im so loving and caring, how does that work. I truly love my wife with all my heart – why have I done this, fear, shame, madness, I honestly don’t get it? And I don’t know how to tell her, cant do anymore broken hearts.
Thank you all, Im really grateful for your support.