Thank you for sharing your struggles. It helps people like myself not feel so completely alone and worthless. I have been semi-diagnosed with ADHD, and have just stopped my 2nd round of meds- adderral then focalin to no avail besides just being speedy and tired afterwords. I won’t go into too much detail, but I grew up in self hatred and failed academics, and am now, for the 3rd time trying to at least get an associates degree. Same low-paying job life, and the burden of being dependable on my succesful family that doesn’t know what to make of me. There are two things that I want to say, well maybe three. Getting an accurate diagnosis is NOT easy. I tried ADD meds thinking, along with my psychologist that it was the root cause of my self-doubt, and struggles with repeatedly failing math and science, even after extra effort and tutoring. NOPE, and I am pretty angry about the money that I used to try and afford the pyschiatrist visits and the meds themselves. This brings me to my second point- we, as adults are SOL when it comes to getting a proper diagnosis of a learning disability. Thousands, and I mean a lot of money is needed to get through an initial first stage of testing for one as an adult since no insurance will cover it. I have even called and talked to a local Dr. who diagnoses and treats LD’s in children, and she said herself that the reason why it is totally unaffordable to be properly diagnosed with a learning disability as an adult is because the thought is that “well, you’ve made it through life to this point, so you should be ok”. I bit my tongue and thanked her for her time and hung up.
I’m pretty sure that I either have a specific learning disability or dyscalcula, or dyslexia, or some other failure of executive function. My big time problem with the mental health community is that the people who are really struggling, like yourself and others are most likely the ones that do not make the kind of money to afford mental healthcare in the first place. You end up feeling angry at the mental health world because if you’re not forking over large sums of money, because most insurance doesn’t cover what is needed you are denied help. Thus, only children can afford help under rich parents, and financially successful people who “might” have a problem can consistently see a mental health professional. Maybe they’re sad that they didn’t get that million dollar bonus this year. Meanwhile, i should just jump off a cliff. Sorry for sounding angry, but even when you try to enroll in self help online based things for dyselxics or executive function assitance programs or exercises it’s show me the money first. Well, i’m in this damn position because i haven’t been able to excel at making a living wage.