Reply To: New to dating a guy with ADHD – Need advice

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#51259
AnneHW
Participant

That’s too bad. I’ve been there on some level, and all I can tell you is it has gotten better. With age and experience I’ve learned to let go of a lot of things, but I certainly know the feeling of being overwhelmed.

I can only give it to you from a female having ADD. I know early on in our relationship I could be very unreasonable and moody (just add PMS into that!). I’m sure it hasn’t always been easy for my husband. But he’s pretty easy going most of the time, and doesn’t get very upset. However, I’ve managed to push his buttons on more than one occasion, and he didn’t put up with it.

I think it’s important to be able to ignore a certain amount, and it may be that your boyfriend needs some additional help (therapy and/or medication?). I think hormones play into it a lot too, male or female. But, you also need to set limits. The one thing that was always helpful to me was knowing what those were.

You sound like a very kind and supportive partner, and I think you’re correct in stepping away from the drama at some point. He needs some time to calm down and realize this isn’t the end of the world. Frustration can be a huge part of ADD/ADHD, and that can include some venting and meltdowns. BUT, he doesn’t get to take it out on you!!!

I think it’s harder when you’re young because you aren’t fully mature, and even if you don’t have ADD/ADHD, you are still learning how to react and behave as an adult. The feelings are often more raw for the person with ADD, but that doesn’t mean it can’t improve. The disappearing thing is kind of self indulgent, frankly. I would definitely ignore that and go on with my life. If it continues or gets worse, then you have some decisions to make. Still, it sounds like he must have some very good qualities too. Hope it works out for you Kikioreekee. 🙂