Reply To: New to dating a guy with ADHD – Need advice

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Spouses & Loved Ones New to dating a guy with ADHD – Need advice Reply To: New to dating a guy with ADHD – Need advice

#51252
Kikioreekee
Participant

I am two months in with my boyfriend. We live a couple hours away from each other, so we have to schedule time together. He is on meds, and for the most part they work for him. But he has bad days and i have been super supportive.

For example, yesterday his fridge broke. Instead of just throwing it away and getting a new one he decided to fix it. Fixing it was a bigger job than he thought, and he became very overwhelmed and the fridge became a symbol of how he has to “do everything himself” and how “out of control” things are and how he has “no control.” He freaked out and ended up crying. After hours of texting, he exhausted himself into sleep.

I was exhausted too. Keeping up with his mood and trying to help him get clarity on the fridge situation drained me. Today i have not heard from him. I am worried, but my instinct is to back off and let him have space. Then i second guess myself and wonder if he is ok. This all falls dangerously into codependence, which i cannot and will not participate in. So i am at an impass – i realize hes probably in a thought hole today. But then silence is unsettling.

Ive been told not to feel ignored by my add bf. So i do my thing. But i have to say it is not pleasant to be overwhelmed and then have him disappear the next day.

He is a loving, kind, awesome, special man. And i love him dearly. I feel like im on a rollercoaster a lot. I have been in dysfunctional relationships before, but this is not one of them. I just need to understand the ebbs and flows of how his mind works.

OP i am with you. Its worth it.