Unfortunately, it does sound like it, and if that’s what it is it’s a nearly impossible thing to deal with. Love at one moment, a pushing away at another moment, control 100% percent of the time — really messes with one’s head and undermines confidence. The guy we knew wasn’t “a bad person”, he just had an insulating layer of unhappiness between his rational mind and his feelings, and as a result he seemed wholly unaware of his needs and wants, and was also unable to trust that others have his best interests in mind. I don’t know if the story I know has a happy ending for the guy — as far as I know his unhappiness has only deepened. His former wife, however, who originally only pushed through for the sake of the child (there was some financial control here also), is very happy now. She works part time and is growing her own business the rest of the time, and her confidence issues are a thing of the past.
Anyhow, I’m not a psychologist, just a dedicated people observer (trying to make up for my ADD which leaves me undiplomatic at the best of times). So there is still hope I am wrong. NonADDSpouse, I want you to know that you are not a fool for wanting to taking care of what you’ve got, no matter what has happened or will happen. You are a person with a deep capacity for love, which is an amazing thing.