Your last post brought a shivery feeling down my spine and some flashbacks of a (now divorced) couple of my acquaintance where no ADHD was involved, and that included this “total control or none” demands and the friends of the husband feeling that the wife somehow had unreasonable demands, etc. etc. (We had a front row to all the drama so we were hard to convince, and we are still friend with the wife.) When the wife was serious about leaving, he agreed to a child, and then things really went crazy, as children and a desire for control do not mix. I think you may want to read this link of symptoms of Reactive Attachment Disorder in adults: http://www.newhealthadvisor.com/Reactive-Attachment-Disorder-in-Adults.html
Interestingly enough, I do not know any ADHD person that believes they can have 100% control of their life and surroundings, given the inattention issues that lead to strange things happening around them all the time.