This just breaks my heart, but as you can see, most of us think he has other issues. In one of my recent newsletters from ADDitude, there was something about combined symptoms, including depression.
Yes, he has been very manipulative, and I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt in that we are all on our best behavior in the beginning. And, there were probably signs you missed or ignored, which is how most of us get into these situations. However, his absolute unwillingness to make an effort in the relationship is not a good sign. Both of my ex husbands could be very nice when they wanted. Amazing how they could pull that out of the bag when it was convenient. I’d even start to get hopeful. Then something would happen, and it was always my fault. He might get better with some counseling, but it’s going to take a lot of effort and time, if he’ll even do it at all.
Thank God, you don’t have children. Whatever you do, don’t get pregnant because if you think things are complicated now! It’s difficult and scary trying to leave a bad marriage. We all spend time going through the reasons we can’t, and it’s understandable. But, you’re young! Don’t waste too much time or give up and stay in a situation that is unhealthy. Blaming yourself isn’t going to change anything either. Everything I read says you’re miserable and you want out. It sounds like you’ve put in a lot of effort, while he tries once and when he doesn’t get immediate results, gives up. You are a lot stronger than you think. I could be wrong, but it wouldn’t surprise me if part of your uncertainty has to do with whatever it is he’s telling you about yourself.